


We all got old at breakneck speed

by nahl



Category: One Piece
Genre: Gen, He's still sad, How Do I Tag, Luffy can't be killed, Probably not like this, RIP, Sabo needs a hug, Sabo's been adopted by the whole Monkey family, also there's swearing, also why did Dragon give him to Garp???, apparently it deserves a warning, he gets a nice chat instead, he's secretely immortal, that wasn't very nice of him, whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-06-22
Packaged: 2020-05-16 11:07:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19316956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nahl/pseuds/nahl
Summary: Sabo just got his memories back, Ace is dead, Luffy is somewhere, maybe alive, maybe not, and he just can't deal with it. So when he remembers Garp, he knows he just found a distraction. No he gotta yell at Dragon for letting his kid with Garp of all people. Except he doesn't. But he still have a nice chat.





	We all got old at breakneck speed

**Author's Note:**

> so idk what happened, this was supposed to be funny and it turned out super sad??? i guess i just can't write humor, my bad.
> 
> anyway, english isn't my first language so there are probably mistakes, yay. i blame my education system for everything. i mean ten years of english lessons and nobody in the class can make a single sentence without 45648 mistakes? thats not what happens when you know how to do your goddamn job.
> 
> title & lyrics come from the song wetsuit by the vaccines.

 

If at some point, we all succumb,  
For goodness sake, let us be young,  
'cause time gets harder to outrun,  
And I'm nobody, I'm not done.  
With a cool, cool breeze and dirty knees,  
I rest on childhood memories.

* * *

 

Sabo had woken up a few hours before. His memories were back, and even after his talk with Koala, he was still filled with guilt, enough that it was bordering on choking him. He wanted to cry, again. Because Ace was dead, because he had never seen him grow up, and now he can't understand how his scowling i-hate-the-world-and-everyone-in-it brother turned into Whitebeard's Second Division Commander, and a pirate known for his politeness. It's a change he doesn't get, and he knows it has an explication, he knows that if he had seen Ace grow up, it would find it all logical, but he didn't, and he can't understand.

Maybe Luffy will help. Because Luffy's as crazy as ever, he didn't change at all, he's still acting without thinking. Him going to Impel Down and Marineford? That's him chasing Ace around as a kid, even when Ace tried to kill him several time. He's still the same, except the scale of bullshit he gets into changed. 

That's how he knows he failed Luffy, too. He might not have changed much, but he still did, and Sabo never witnessed any of that. He knows that Luffy's not a weakling anymore, that he's going to be Pirate King because he's crazy enough to do so (although he always kind of knew that). But he knew him, and he knows how Luffy must have felt when he learnt Sabo had left, when Sabo never came back. And he knows Ace would never have said it, but he must have felt awful too.

He could tell himself that at least they've survived the fire, he doesn't have to worry about that anymore. But Ace is dead anyway now. Maybe if he had been there, at Marinford, it would have changed something. He knows he's strong, he also knows that against everyone there was at Marinefore, maybe it wouldn't have changed all that much. But sometimes, one person is enough. So he will never know, and he will always regret.

And he knows it wasn't his fault, that amnesia wasn't his choice, but something could have been changed somewhere, something could - should - have happened to make him remember before.

He could have gone back to Dawn, could have met them again because things would have felt familiar and he'd have been curious. Maybe. He doesn't know. But he had refused to go back, because he hated his parents and they were living there. As if they were the only people living on the whole island. As if there were the only people he'd ever seen, or been close to. Not that he had been close to them in any way. He had felt closer to Dadan, that woman who spent all her free time yelling and insulting three broken kids, than to them.

And god, he doesn't want to imagine how she must feel now. He knows, no matter how harsh she was, that she loved them. Okay, maybe not him, he didn't stay long enough, but he knows she loved Ace, and she must have loved Luffy too, over time. Luffy win anyone over anyway.

Hell, he won Ivankov. He won Jimbei. He won _Crocodile_ , after beating him up and being the reason he was in Impel Down in the first place. Sabo had read the newspaper once he woke up. Cried some more, and all that jazz. He's done crying, though. Or well, he's _not_ , but he wants it to stop, because the pain he feels now is something he's never felt ever before and he knows who he is, but he doesn't at the same time.

Oh, sure, he's never planning on leaving the Revolutionary Army like Koala thought, he's happy here, but finding out about your brothers when you didn't think you had a family for the last ten years is weird. Especially those brothers. They weren't exactly the sanest people around, but he wouldn't have changed it for the world.

And he had been no one to them at the time, sure he had been Ace's friend, but he had still been an outsider, and they had accepted him, and had loved him. And a lot of people, linked by blood or the strongest of fiendship, wouldn't ever do what those two had done for each others.

People love each other, yes, but people aren't like them. People don't go in the most impenetrable prison in the whole world to break someone out. People know it's impossible and that they'd die in a second.

People don't participate in a goddamn war to stop someone from being executed.

People don't sacrifice themselves for their sworn brother by taking a magma fist in the guts.

No, people live.

But not those two.

And it scares him, because it means if he had grown up with them, they would have done the same for him. And that's just _so much love_ , he can't wrap his head around it.

Oh, he knows he'd do the same, _now_ , because he's full of regrets and he owes them that much after failing them, but before he found his memories back, he's not sure he would have done it for anyone here, be it his friend, or even Dragon.

He would have gone to war if ordered. But he wouldn't have gone alone to rescue someone, no matter how much he loved them. Because that's crazy, and stupid, and goddamn suicidal and he's not any of that. _Wasn't_ any of that.

Maybe it's his memories. Maybe now he would do that for anyone, because as a kid he was selfless like that. But he doesn't think so. Because, sure, he sacrificed himself for his brothers. He didn't want them to die. But he still left, afterward, he left them behind because he couldn't stand a life with his parents. He knows he's selfish, and he has probably always been.

So now he's remembering as much as he can, all the good times, because he's afraid he'll forget again. And once he's okay, once his head had stopped hurting like that, he's going to write everything down to make sure he never forget anything ever again.

And isn't it funny how the world works? Because he can remember telling his brother his desire to write a book base off his adventures. And now he knows he's going to do it. But not for the same reasons.

But maybe the reasons don't really matter. Maybe it's all about the result. It's not his dream anymore but the books will be here in the end, so who cares about the reasons? 

~~(Ace and Luffy probably do.)~~

Another funny thing, too, is how Luffy's Dragon's kid. How Dragon has always been a father to him. And how Luffy is his brother. So he's always been Dragon's son somehow, even before meeting him, and it makes him smile, just a bit. The world is so small.

Then again, he's sure Luffy wasn't born on Dawn, and he knows Ace wasn't. The old man just brought them here and--

Wait.

Garp.

Garp is Dragon's father.

Dragon _gave_  Luffy to Garp.

...

How _drunk_  was he exactly when he decided that was a good fucking idea? No, because Garp must have raised Dragon, right? And Dragon decided to create an  _Army_  to get rid of the _World Government_.

Out of all the things possible. That's so totally opposed to Garp's ideals that he can't help but laugh. And if it's partly histerical, well, nobody will know. Koala's left him to rest anyway and he's alone in here.

But seriously, _what the fuck_?

He's glad, too, somewhere, somehow, because Luffy was so good to Ace. But nobody could have known that and that's not an excuse. When you grow up with a nutcase like Garp, you don't give your child to him. Except if you want him to die, of course, which Sabo is sure wasn't exactly Dragon's goal.

So. Probably drunk. Sabo knows Dragon and he knows the man's not stupid. But, who knows, maybe Garp hit him one time too many as a kid? And that made him stupid enough to pull a stunt like this?

Sabo's esteem of Dragon is sloooowly starting to slide down. He's so totally yelling at him once he's out of the infirmary.

Well.

It's not like he was planning on staying there anyway. His head spinning like crazy when he sits, but he's going to yell at Dragon _now_.

If it can distract him from everything else for twenty minutes, he'll take it.

He has no idea how to grieve for someone he knew but doesn't anymore. No idea how to grieve for those kids who don't exist anymore because they grew up and he _wasn't there_. How to grieve for the childhood he'll never have, and all the love he should be sharing with his brothers. How to deal with Luffy probably hating him, wherever he is. Because yes, nobody has a goddamn clue where the kid is, so maybe he's dead too. He's not ready to think about it either. He can't lose both of them when he just remembered them.

So distraction it is. Yelling at Dragon might be a good one.

He will also pointedly ignore the fact that Garp was probably at Marineford. He has no clue what happened there, though he has a feeling that he'll get a full description of it by the time Ivankov gets back, and he doesn't know if he wants it or not.

So not thinking about Garp, who's a Marine and let his _grandson_  die. So much for family, heh? Not like he's much better.

He remembers that he was grateful at the time, that Garp had considered him family without even batting an eye about his presence, even if it had meant getting beaten up, but now he doesn't know. Clearly the guy had no idea what he was doing and he might have failed Ace and Luffy even more than Sabo did.

All their traumas came from him after all. Ace's insecurity, Luffy's loneliness. All his fault. And Dragon had thought it was a _good idea_.

(So did Roger, apparently. Who the fuck gives their kid to a (crazy) enemy, thinking everything's gonna be fine? So much for Roger being a genius because he conquered the Grand Line and blah blah blah, the guy was so fucking stupid. But he's not gonna think about it now, not the time and Roger's not here for him to yell at him. He'd do it otherwise. Fuck that guy.)

Sabo's on his feet, and his vision becomes black around the edge, he knows, but he can't bring himself to care. Garp is a good distraction. So he grabs the wall, using it to help him reach the door, then he's wandering in the corridors, tring to sense Dragon with his Haki.

Ah, he's on the balcony again.

Of course.

Now he knows what he was looking for, he realizes. He was always looking somewhere, his expression somehwat fond, like the expression he had when looking at Sabo and, well. Fuck.

Dragon really considers him as his kid. Welp. The whole Monkey family considers him as theirs. He has no clue how he managed that, and he doesn't know if it's a good thing, but it sure as hell is hilarious.

It doesn't take too long for him to reach the balcony, even if walking sucks and his head hurts like a bitch.

"Sabo, I see you left the infirmary early, as always."

Dragon's talking before he even went through the door of the balcony, but Sabo wasn't planning to anyway, because the light outside is killing his eyes killing his head. They can talk like that, too, it's fine.

"Koala told me you woke up. So your memories came back?"

"Yeah. I remember everything."

Dragon comes to him, he's standing in the doorway and looking at him, he can feel it. Sabo has his eyes closed and his back against the wall. He sits down, because standing is too painful. It takes too much energy.

"Is it a good thing?"

"I don't know honestly. But I have a few questions."

"Is it about the time I saw you in Low Town? During the fire?"

Sabo opens his mouth, but closes it. He remembers, yes, but he hasn't reviewed everything just yet. Details are still blurry, and he had focused on two things: his brothers and his past family. He remembers the fire, of course, but he didn't think about this particular event. But yeah, that happened. Seriously, _what_. What was even his life as a kid, to meet so many poweful people before even setting sail? Or future powerful people. Whatever.

No, better question, what the fuck was this island? Home island to both Dragon and Garp, who came here on vacation from time to time and had brought the children of the most wanted criminals in the world, who then became criminals themselves, and Shanks-the-Emperor-from-the-New-World-who-was-Roger's-cabin-boy had also used it as his vacation place at some point.

Just what is wrong with it?

"No, but there's that too. You knew, then, about my family. Why didn't you tell me?"

"You hated them. And you hate nobility in general. I didn't want you to hate yourself."

And, okay, Sabo can't be pissed if he's saying things like that. He sighs, glancing at him. Dragon's smiling, and it's rare and precious so Sabo smiles back. Relaxes a bit. Dragon's family. Dragon feels like home. Not like Ace and Luffy Never like Ace and Luffy. But he still does and it helps.

"... Thanks."

"So, your question?"

"Oh yeah. I was wondering. What the fuck, with all due respect, was going through you head when you thought it was a good idea to give your son to Garp, of all people?"

Okay, now, his face is hilarious. Dragon's looking at him in shock, and he's never seen an expression like that on him but God, he's so happy right now to have the possibility to shock Dragon. He's sure it's not something that happens, like, ever.

"How... how do you know about that?"

"Oh, y'know. I went in the forest and next thing I know there's this scowling kid who's helping me raising funds for a pirate ship, and five years later a kid with a strawhat comes by and declares all of us friends then brothers."

He says it flippantly, like it's just facts, and it _is_ , but it's painful too, because Ace is  _dead_ and he - the whole world - has no clue if Luffy's alive or not. Or where he is.

He still wants to cry.

"Luffy's your brother?" Dragon asks, still sounding surprised, but he's smiling now. He's proud, Sabo realizes. And worried. "I guess the other is Portgas, then. That's why you reacted. I'm sorry, Sabo, that you had to learn it that way."

"Me too."

There's a silence, Sabo's composing himself, Dragon's waiting for him to be okay again, if only a little.

"So you've always been my dad, huh?" he asks then, because he has to light up the mood somehow.

And he's glad he said it because Dragon's choking and coughing and he looks at him like he's crazy. Sabo burst out laughing because damn, he has shocked him again and that's twice in ten minutes, and maybe that's more time than in the rest of his life, and it's _golden_.

"And you're still an idiot."

Sabo smiles at him innocently, but he smiles back, and it's full of that fondness Sabo knows so well and yep, totally his dad. But still.

"Not as much as you for giving Luffy to Garp."

"That's the only way you had to meet him," he jokes.

"Sure, yes," he says, because he knows it's an excuse but he's still grateful in a way. He would have prefered it if Luffy had had a father figure who stuck around, though, with nobody to throw him in ravines and to leave him alone for months on end. There's no way a seven-year-old should be saying that he'd rather be _tortured_  than be alone. "But Garp's crazy."

"I take it you met him, then."

" _Yes_ , and it would have been better if I _hadn't_. He came out of nowhere and threw all of us around before punching us. I saw him _once_  and I'm sure I still have traumas. Can't begin to imagine how it must have been for people who saw him _way more_."

Dragon laughs. He must be on an emotional rollercoaster today because Sabo has never seen him this expressful.

"He's always been like that. It wasn't... my best idea, I believe, but he turned out okay, didn't he?"

"Yeah, I suppose." But he knows it's just another excuse. A way to take the blame away. "And if you hadn't, he wouldn't have met Shanks, and he wouldn't be on his way to become the Pirate King."

"Seems like Luffy has many allies, apparently."

"He just smiles his way into people's hearts. Ace tried to kill him every single day when they met, he was aggressive and mostly an asshole. You know the rumors about him. I'm sure Luffy's the one who changed him."

"That's one of the greatest power on the sea."

They're both smiling. The're both _proud_. Well, they have every right to be. Luffy might have had a shit start, with Garp never being there and almost killing him every time he was, but he survived it all. And he seemed okay.

And Sabo knows he _is_ , because he can't be anything else than okay and smiling like the little ball of sunshine that he is.

Luffy's okay, Luffy's crazy, Luffy's reckless, and most importantly, Luffy can't die. Garp had tried to kill more time than Sabo can count, and he wasn't even there, but he _knows_. Luffy's almost drowned and was almost eaten by a Sea King. Ace tried to kill Luffy every day for three months. Hell, they both tried to kill him when he discovered their treasure at the time. Luffy was tortured but didn't die, and he's been almost killed by the animals they hunted several times (he remembers the alligators, and damn, what an idiot Luffy had been. He hopes he's still one). And then Luffy started his journey, and beat up Arlong, and he's been almost executed at Loguetown (Sabo's not thinking about it, because he was there and he didn't _remember_ ), then he beat up Crocodile, and there's been Enies Lobby, then he still _didn't die_  in Impel Down and he still managed to _free Ace_ in Marineford. Without dying.

So Sabo thinks after all these near-death experiences, Luffy won over Death too, he has no doubt about it, and there's no way Death took him after Marineford because they're friends, they're  _nakamas_ , and nakamas don't kill each other.

Luffy simply can't die, no matter how much you try to kill him.

He's going to come back, and everyone will tell how he toppled another government or beat up another Warlord or simply fucked up plans that had taken a decade to put in place. And everything's going to be _fine_. Or as fine as it can be without Ace.

It doesn't mean Sabo won't be worried, obviously, it's his job as an older brother, but he knows that Luffy is okay. Well, no. He knows he's not, he can't be after _that_ , but he's not dead, he can't be, and that means he can be okay again one day.

"He'll be fine," he tells Dragon, because Dragon has no way to know how unkillable his son is.

Dragon's still smiling when he looks at him, then he turns, and Sabo knows he's going back to his favorite spot on the balcony.

"So will you," he says.

And Sabo thinks back to Ace, Luffy and him moving into that tree house and flying their flag for the first time with grins splitting their faces in half, to Garp treating him like he treated the other two, as if he had always been here, to Dragon's fond smiles that were only directed at him, at that place somewhere far away were Luffy probably was, and sometimes at Koala. To Koala yelling at him because he doesn't answer the snail but always choosing her meeting points in restaurants because she knows how much he loves eating, to Hack shaking his head fondly when he's doing something stupid, to Ivankov's yelling "hee-haw" all the time and showing him fun things to distract him from the void in his head, to Kuma's silent help when he couldn't do something and refused to tell anyone else.

And he smiles, and if there are tears on his cheeks it doesn't matter, because Ace's dead, and it will hurt all his life, and he can't help but wonder what would have happened if he had been there, but he had promised, forever ago, in another life, to live without regrets and freer than anyone else, and he can't do anything about it _now_ , but he's not dead and not being dead means he has a chance to get better. To be fine again.

So, someday, when Luffy comes back from his bonding time with death, he'll find him. Because he's alive and he _can_. And maybe Luffy will hate him, but maybe Luffy will just smile at him and tell him he's happy Sabo's alive, because that's how Luffy is, because he had already said that once, so long ago, and it had saved Ace at the time.

And maybe, maybe, the ache in his chest will lessen, and everything will be fine.

* * *

 

We all got old at breakneck speed,  
Slow it down, go easy on me.

 


End file.
